"Living alone is a special enjoyment when chosen by ourself..But, hard to digest when gifted by others.."

completing graduation is like delivering a baby..............
everyone knows the baby's cute no one has a clue bout how many times u got yourself f****d .

“Life is too short to not take a moment and try fun things like this. We’re doing it.”

Grant me the awareness not to make permanent decisions from temporary situations

people love my smile, but the secret behind that smile its when im smiling im thinking about you...

I am grateful for acceptance of things just the way they are; to feel any other way is to cause myself problem

My girlfriend WARNED me thatif I got her one more stupid gift she would burn it. So I got her a candle

My wife is always talking about a trip to Europe.
I have no objections - I let her talk.

‎"My wife doesn't know what she wants."
"You're lucky. My wife does."

There are two kinds of secrets : one is not worth keeping and the other is too good to keep.

You look familiar... Have I threatened you before?

women are confusing they hate when you ask how old they are but they kill you if you forget their birthdays

Dear God, slay the wicked, free the oppressed, feed the hungry, and send someone to wash the dishes. Amen.

if you hate someone, walk a mile in their shoes. Then you're a mile away from them and you have their shoes.

.walking a mile in stilettos with 4 inch heel and 2 size smaller than yours !

they say that love is more important than money, have you ever tried paying your bills with a hug??

A smart man knows how to speak from experience..an even smarter man knows from experience when not to speak

Women must be treated as equals, not sequels

When you develop the ability to listen to anything Unconditionally, without losing your temper or self-confidence, it means, you are "MARRIED"

If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention
to every word you say, talk in your sleep

We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

How many of you believe in
telekinesis? Raise my hand.

You're often on my mind, but don't worry...You're way funnier and better looking in there

A man in love mistakes a PIMPLE for a DIMPLE....

I may still be single but I know that I have saved a lot of money on a wedding and even more on the divorce.

Drinking won't solve your problems, but it will give you lots of interesting new ones!

Home is where you can say anything you like 'cause nobody listens to you anyway

Women never hated a man enough to give him his diamonds back ;

I love the birthday notification window on Facebook. It reminds of people I should delete

when god was distributing looks, I heard books, so I said,'give me something funny

my ex girl friend's status says 'standinq on the edqe of a bridqe'. . . . . .so, i poked her!

Of course there's a lot of knowledge in universities: the freshmen bring a little in; the seniors don't take much away, so knowledge sort of accumulates.

Marriage is a 2-way street...the wife's way and the wrong way

I tried to say no to the vodka...but it's 40% stronger than me!!

I asked my mom for money and she said "Does it look like I am made of money?" I said "Well thats what M.O.M stands for"

Boys dream of what they want to achieve and become when they grow up. Girls dream of whom to achieve and marry when they grow up.

Until death do us apart ''means we're all single in heaven, right??

Women fall in love by what they hear. Men fall in love by what they see. That’s why most of the women put on make up and most of the men lie.

Dear god thank you for all the good times you brought me in 2010. Especially for that waitress in Myrtle Beach. You remember her....she kept screaming your name.

"Life's not always fair. Sometimes you can get a splinter even sliding down a rainbow."

"Forgive, O Lord, my little jokes on Thee, And I'll forgive Thy great big one on me

Life is like a blanket too short. You pull it up and your toes rebel, you yank it down and shivers meander about your shoulder; but cheerful folks manage to draw their knees up and pass a very comfortable night.